New house

Alhamdulillah, we've moved to our new home.. for the time being, until god knows when. This Ramadhan has been so challenging for us, both physically and mentally. It's really hard to keep up when things change rapidly. Every now and then I wish that we could settle down and relax for a bit. But then we're going to miss the excitement and adventure- Bliss.

Despite that we are in our new place, the move didn't go too well..
U- Haul wasn't cooperating made us went everywhere like a mad man to find trucks and equipments to rent. 
The friends that were supposed to help had to work on the day we moved.
The temperature was 100F!
Z the superman had to load all of our furnitures and boxes by himself, and he was fasting!
I had to clean up the house, prepare food for buka and take care of Irfan.
The greedy-tua- nyanyuk tunggu masa nak mati landlord charged us $$$$ for the deposit. (landlord rumah lama)
Hired movers to help at the new house but buat keje separuh jalan. 
I swore and cursed like crazy in Ramadhan... sigh..

Thank God..
We have Z the superman to do all the labor work during the move(We love you DaDa!)
The new house is soooo pretty with NO spiders at least tak nampak lagi la alhamdullillah.  
Irfan wasn't fussy and was so excited to clean and help mama out.
We had some frozen foods that I cooked to keep the tummies happy! especially for sahur, dah agak susah pindah2 ni so masak banyak2 and freeze kan. Bila nak makan defrost, tak payah masak time nak pindah. Really helped me out.

I didn't really take any pictures.. malas plus it was so hectic. ni barang still sepah satu rumah and raya is within a week! This raya: no kuih raya, no baju raya, no gambar raya, planning to cook for Raya Insyaallah. But we have rumah Raya haha! Jadila kan.

The guest room yg masih bersepah. Sempat ke nak kemas before Gem datang?! Mintak tolong Feyruz la kemas kan hihi

The dining/ living room. Kecik ya amat.... Irfan memang terseksa la nak berlari

The messy- messy play area/ living room. Nak kemas pun malas

The flower Z gave - to say he's sorry

My raya project- bukan jahit baju raya ye kawan2, alter kecikkan baju raya je. hihi tu pun rasa susah sgt. But now I'm an expert. =)

The last 10 days of Ramadhan and I'm having my period.. sigh. sedihnye..niat nak terawikh every night.

Ramadhan is here..

Alamak Alhamdulillah Ramadhan is here.. another month of blessings.
My puasa ganti for this year was 30+ days sebulan tak puasa after deliver Irfan on Ramadhan last 2 years plus pindah on Ramadhan last year
Nasib la dah bayar awal2 so I didnt have any problem to prepare for the holy month

My checklist azam for this Ramadhan:
1. Solat Terawikh
2. Bayar long overdue Zakat before raya
3. Gamba Raya to Utusan
4. Baju Raya almost there, Zuhri and Irfan dah ade
5. Kuih Raya tengok la kalau rajin, my first attempt la kot usually order from Gem je
6. Menu Raya akan dipikirkan dgn Wichita crew
7. Nak Raya mana? KC ke Wichita tak tau lagi. Ni kes dilemma raya nak balik kg ke tak
8. Irfan burfday party and openhouse Since Irfan's bday is going to be on 2nd Syawal so ingat nak sekalikan jela
9. Cari keje
10. Kemas and deco rumah before raya
11. Spend time with my boys ahahaha ni dah tak macam azam Ramadhan

Betul ke ni azam Ramadhan. Most of the stuff on the list is for Raya uhuks.

Ok tukar topic. This is something that I made for Irfan last week. It's like burritos or quesadillas. Ala sume Mexican food sama je kan just nama je lain2. Irfan loved it so much, and so did the dada. Nak buat pun senang:
1. Tortillas the Mexican bread yg ala2 capati
2. Grilled steak cut into cubes
3. Shredded cheese
4. Tomatoes cut into cubes
5. A1 steak sauce
Nak add sour cream, avocardo, beans etc silakan. I didnt have all the bahan so I just used the five ingedients.Oh and kena roll ye before you serve it. I didn't have the pic yg dah roll.Google kalau tak tau mcm mana rupanye.

The mexican dish for my boys

Bakar dalam oven

Irfan eating grapes. Look at the hair clips! He's a doll!!!

Sgt yummylicios. Made me drool bile teringat. Senang dah ade satu resepi for picky eater-Irfan.

Please make doa for our safety

I just have too many things going on at once that I shouldn't spend this precious time writing this. But I just have too. I'm scared and I have no idea who to turn to..
and before this miserable life threatening piece of s*!t gets into me even deeper.. I really need to put this in writing..

We have BR spider problem and I think the house is infested. I googled about this particular spider months ago but never really got the guts to read about them again until today. The articles and facts about it are just too spooky for me. I thought it's better off not knowing. And today, after seeing tons of the spider in the past weeks, I did my research again... and here's what I've found:

How would I know that I have a brown recluse spider infestation?

This seems like an silly question, but it truly is not. It is possible to have a brown recluse infestation and not realize it. That is, you do not realize it until it is to late and you get bitten by this dangerous spider.

To be infested, you need only have enough brown recluse spiders that they are breeding. Just a few spiders can reproduce enough to give you a problem. If you are seeing brown recluse spiders once a week or so, it is better to be on the safe side and take some precautions.

First, you want to identify how bad the infestation is. If you are seeing brown recluse spiders every day, then stop reading and call the exterminators. You are infested big time. I once saw a house that literally had brown recluse spiders in almost every corner. Not a place that you want to be.

We literally have seen more than one recluse every week!
We've found one in our own BED and Irfan and I were sitting next to it!
Zuhri found two in the bedroom last night!
I found one crawling in the living room and killed it violently!
We found one trapped in the closet at our living room!
One was found in the kitchen, trapped on a glue board!
And some other spiders as well!

I don't feel safe living in this hell place.
I have a son sleeping on his bed and I'm constantly worried if he's safe there..
And when he's up and playing... I'm constantly worried if there's any spider underneath the toys (well, I don't check on the toys before letting him play with them)

Ya Allah please give me strength to go through this... please give us guidance and please protect our family. I don't really know what else that I can do other than cry doa and praying really hard. I really want to move out of this junk but I guess that's not an option for now... maybe not until somebody gets hurt.. nauzubillah

Honestly, I'm scared to death!

Big Fat Loser

Yupp that's me. I kind of expect it coming just because of the situation of the company. But I didn't think it'll happen this soon. I'm frustrated and hopeless. Is it too late to become a dentist? Enuff said.

Irfan demam lagi..

He has been healthy for about a month and suddenly the evil virus struck him again.

We picked him up Monday last week from the daycare, he had a fever about 102 F.

Tuesday was supposed to be his echo day but got canceled. They won't do echo to a sick child. I wouldn't let him go for echo either... he needs to be as calm as possible. We sticked with E&T check up to see how his ears doing (after all the ear infection trials he's gone through) and to our suprise he has double ear infection! Oh my goodness bila masa pulak kena ear infection lagi. I thought they got cleared up early weeks ago. I saw him digging his ears multiple times, thought of going to the doctor but rasa mcm tak perlu sbb Irfan tak sakit pun, takkan kena ear infection. Haish I guess you never know. So we went back home about 5 ish, sampai2 rumah checked on Irfan's temp and to our suprise again his temp was 106F. We flipped out, terus getting ready to drive back to the ER at Bartlesville that is 50 mins away. So on Tuesday we drove to Tulsa (1.5 hr drive) to Batlesville (50 mins drive) back home (50 mins drive) Back to Bartleville (50 mins drive) and finally back home at 11 PM (another 50 mins drive). Thank god Irfan's temp turun sikit after makan tylenol and motrin and stayed about 101-102 F.

Wednesday I worked half day.

Thursday Irfan still demam. Took him to see the doctor. Same advice, ' keep giving him fluids'.

Friday demam.

Saturday demam dah reda. Normal temp alhaldulillah.. went to see the doc. Ears look like they are getting better. But the look and behavior sure tell me that HE'S NOT. He's so clingy, fuss all the time, only wants mommy, tak nak makan, merengek... memangla budak sakit kan. But sakit ape lagi....

Sunday still not showing any improvement. No fever but he's acting like he's really sick. Risau but at the same time dah tak larat. I've missed days of work, mesti affect my work perfomance. But family is always first... ntah la. Susah betul nak juggle between work and being a mom.

Ape nak jadi..

Rasa tension.. maybe sbb pms kot..

Irfan dah few nights tido tak betul.. malam2 bangun nangis. Ntah la nape..
Apparently he's not taking nap at daycare either.. teacher pun dah pening..

Gigi Irfan makin kuning.. dia marah kalau org nak berus gigi dia..
Ape la nak jadi..
Mcm mana org lain berus gigi toddler eh..sigh

Irfan tak nak makan veggie..
So kena potong veggie kecik2 and sumbat dalam nasi or food lain then sumbat dalam mulut dia..
Doa2 dia telan la..
Sometimes keluar balik..
Tak cukup nutritient nanti dia jugak yg susah...

Irfan tak nak guna sippy cup..
Tak nak minum susu whole milk..

Pening nya kepala ... ape nak buat ni!?

Ahlan 2010

My entry is always late by few days sometimes weeks. Selalu cerita dah basi la ... nak buat mcm mana my responsibilities as a tukang masak, tukang kemas, tukang jaga anak, tukang segala2nye have been keeping me busy.

Esok keje..adeh malasnye. Sometimes work can drive me nuts, maybe I should say most of the time. Keje dgn mat saleh ni boleh tahan pening la, language barrier etc. Takpe takpe... when I'm over with this holiday mode things will change.

2009 was a tough year for us.
Jan 2009 - started with a 2nd round of layoff right after we got back from Malaysia. I was devastated.
Feb 2009 - I was a short timer at work.
March 2009 - Irfan was ill from Kawasaki Disease at the end of the month
Apr 2009 - Irfan recovering. We were in pain thinking about Irfan days and nights. Another big hit, the company announced shut down.
May 2009 - I was on leave taking care of my baby.
June 2009 - Back to work. Approved to work from home.
July 2009 - Spending my time with Irfan
Aug 2009 - Irfan's echo was back to normal. Alhamdulillah. It's really a miracle. Then we were on our way to Kansas. 11 days road trip in Ramadhan aishh...
Sep 2009 - We started working at Indy KS. Eid with family member for the first time after 10 years beraya diperantauan. Irfan turned 1 year old.
Oct 2009 - My Bday at Fairfield Inn Marriot Tulsa.
Nov 2009 - Sakit month
Dec 2009 - Anniversary at Hyatt KC

I'm hoping for a better year twenty 10. Bring it on!

Rambling

I'm sitting on my couch thinking..
Trying to let my brain and imagination do all the work for me
I'm hopeless..
I know that I need to be strong.. for Irfan and the family that I value so much
I never thought that I would have to go through this difficult time
Yet this is the reality of life.. there are ups and down

I'm sitting on my couch thinking..
Everything happened for a reason
And that this might be a turning point
To a whole new joy and adventure
Oh how I wish there is a magical end
To this journey that I'm about to start..

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I dont know why I'm writing this.. tapi rasa mcm best plak huhu. Ni supposely kena tulis resume but tulis ntah pape.

Anyway updates updates..I'm officially going to be unemployed in the next few weeks. Unemployment rate is so skyrocket here in Oregon. I got an offer to work in Independence, 3 hrs away from Gem's place, which is so tempting. But Irfan and Zuhri is my no 1 priority now. I want a career path that that has both my loved ones in the picture..
The only way we can make it work is if zuhri gets to move to Wichita, and I'll be working in Indy. And who's going to take care of Irfan? Mmmm..

Going back to school is not an option for now.. $25k a yr for tuition fee?!$% that's insane
We might wait for green card before we can pursue our post grad dream. Or both of us need to go back to school and get TAship.
I'm so freaked out. I guess this is what happened when you've been in the comfort zone for wayyy tooo looonggg.. *sob sob*