Sedih

I am terribly sad today.
First, my husband said I look older than him. When I got upset, he said it's a joke to cover up. Somehow, I know he's telling the truth.
Few months back, some strangers on my fb thought that I'm 40. I told Z about it and I was very upset. To be honest, they don't look young either. If i had to guess, I'd think they are in their mid 40s while they are actually in their 30s. And they look obese too.. 😳
I guess I just have accept the fact that I'm experiencing premature aging. But it really hurts when it comes from my own husband. It's like the worst thing a man can say to his wife. Knowing me, I really care about beauty and appearance, and when my own husband said that, it broke my heart. I'm only 30, I don't know what he's going to say to me when I'm 50 or 60. When I look like a grandma, I'm sure he's not going to stick around. :) the truth really hurts.I am not sure if I should be too upset dengan Z. He's always a...

Irfan on the other hand has always been too sweet to me. But today in the car on our way home, he said that he wants 'Uncle M' to be his new dad. I was kind of shocked. Well yea Z never really spend time with him. He's busy with work and school and if he's not busy he's never home. He'd rather spend his free time playing soccer or basketball or anything other than spending some quality time with the family.
Ok back to Irfan, then I asked him, why did you say that Irfan. He said I just want 'uncle m' to be my new dad, and I was like..ok.
Then he said I want 'Aunty S' to be my new mommy. (Aunty S is married to Uncle M). And It just broke my heart. My son is saying that he wants someone else to be his mom and dad. That is sad. Yea i have to admit that I always yell at him but he's really something. It's really hard to take care of him, he never listens, he likes to touch the trash can no matter what, he likes to pit electrical stuff in his mouth, he cries all the time... There are times when I just gave up and told him to do whatever that he wants. I'm not entirely upset with Irfan, if he thinks that someone else can be a better mom to him, then redha jela. It comes from a 4 year old boy, I must be a terrible mom to him. Oh well I'm just too tired. Between being a wife, a mom, a student, trying to make more money, trying to please people, sometimes I feel like giving up is easier. At least that won't make me look older than my actual age ...
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